Midlife crisis update

I think I'll opt for a nip and tuck. But cosmetic surgery is a minefield...I could lose a limb!
Stay tuned, before and after photos coming soon.

AHHHH

I've been taking some time out to have a small but meaningful mid-life crisis. HOpefully it won't last too much longer......maybe just until I get some plastic surgery, a red convertible and a twenty two year old stud-muffin.....just kidding....I think

"Say cheese!"

My daughter is very proud of her new smile, and also pretty happy with the cash that has been rolling in from the tooth fairy.....lucky for me she's running out of teeth!

Happy accident??

Tonight I put lit candles throughout the house, it seems to have become a ritual now on child-free evenings, and it is usually accompanied by sushi...mmmm!.... later I discovered wax was dripping onto this painting. A portrait of my ex's cousin, it was promised to my ex- Aunty inlaw (Aunty ex-law?) around 15 years ago. Every 3-5 years I work on the painting, along with another one of his brother, and I vow to finish them.
Photo realism and painting portraits from photo's is tedious and boring --usually boring to look at as well. I thought I might actually get rid of them this time because they're so close to being finished, so when I turned and saw the wax dripping on dear cousin Jamie my first response was "Oh s#$% ! Upon further examination it seems to have made an unsual and pleasing effect. The painting medium is oil on stretched watercolour paper, and I find that the textures of the paper, the wax and the smooth paint seem to compliment one another. I might leave it as it is and keep the painting to myself (I don't think Aunty exlaw will like the wax).
I'm hoping the wax doesn't absorb the pigment out of the paint, in case I decide to peel it off....that might have a cool effect too.... who knows?.

A recent drawing I did of my daughter. I should draw more, I'm a bit rusty, but I quite like it. I love the energy in the lines when I draw from life. The hurried look of the shading lines and the subtle changes in direction create (I think) a vibrancy that breathes with life, although the lines are a little heavy handed because of my lazy lack of practise.

To fear or not to fear?

I have never understood why we are taught to fear God. As far as I can see fear has no place in perfect love, which is the love of God. If we are to become like him and he is without fear, why in religion are we taught to fear? Fear keeps us physically safe in the earthly realm, therefore I think must be a man made construct and as we move up the ladder of spiritual evolution it seems logical that fear would have no place . Humility, on the other hand, is essential for spiritual growth, and humbling oneself is the essence of repentance. Not relinquishing wrong deeds out of fear and guilt, but out of a desire to be at one with God, which is being at one with love where everlasting joy resides.
So if anyone is actually reading this and they have an opinion about whether fear is man made or God given, I'm interested to hear/read it.

My beautiful palette.

I had to post a picture of my beautiful palette. It has wheels, and underneath is a little shelf with an old phone book on it so I can wipe the paint residue off my palette knife. I love how all the colours are in order-- I learnt that at university (money well spent), it's so I don't have to think about where the colours are when I'm in the zone. Unfortunately I haven't been in the zone for a while, but the glistening paint surrounded by a forest of brushes continually beckons me to seek it out. I love paint, the look, the feel and smell of it, I really want to go to town and make a big mess, my paintings are far too contolled.

Free to dearest offer.

The Camden art show is coming up. It's a local show where artists can win money and/or sell their work. I have a couple of pieces I'm showing and I have to decide on a price for them. For me art and money are like oil and water, they can co-exist but not mix. Making art for money, I think, is like being Rumplestiltskin backwards and spinning gold into straw. But I guess straw keeps the stable warm.
I'm torn between wanting $1000,000 a piece or giving them away for free. Maybe I should ask for their first born (males only, must be 25 or over).

In the moment...."To be or not to be? That is the question."

I'm finding as this day progresses and each of my four children struggle to establish themselves at the top of the pecking order, that my not being in the moment is working as a tool for self preservation.

Eckhardt Tolle advises that if we are having a negative experience, and can do nothing to change it, we should go more deeply into the moment, without labelling it good or bad, without thought forms of any kind, just observe.
I put Eckhardt's suggestion to the test during root canal therapy. I have to say it absolutely worked! I focused on the light above me, on the feeling in my jaw which had been stretched open for an hour, the sounds and smells of the scraping drill, the chill in my other teeth from the suction device, the debris as it tried to find a way down the back of my throat, and on my overwhelming desire to swallow. I became acutely aware of everything that was happening without judging or labelling anything, and I found that all feelings about the situation disappeared. I felt relaxed and quite peaceful.

I'm going back out there now, to see if I can put it into practise while dealing with the little squabblers.

Time

I was glancing through some family photos and noticed that the recent looking ones are dated Jan '06. I was surprised by the fact that two years have gone by so quickly.
It reminded me of a quote by C.S Lewis. I can't remember it verbatim but the gist of is: The fact that we are constantly surprised by time is like a fish being constantly surprised by water. It must be then, that if time is not natural to us it is because we are infinite beings.

Why is it, on the whole, so difficult to live in the moment, in the only place where life exists? I look back at pictures of the past and feel a tinge of sadness, most of the time I wasn't really there in those precious and beautiful moments with my children.
I guess its never to late to be in the moment. Okay I'm here in the moment, at the moment......

A Glimpse of God

I think I saw God today in the eyes of an old man. His hunched form crossed my path at the food hall, and as he walked to the bin to empty his tray, our eyes locked for a moment. I saw a look of such openness and purity, it was as if age had completely stripped away his armor. It wasn't sadness or weariness that I saw; I saw something strong and timeless; I saw a flash of the infinite in those eyes as they gazed into mine. I wish I would have spoken to him.

I want to live life without armor. I want to be able to see the infinite spark within everyone who crosses my path.
If we would just see how powerful we are, we'd realise that we don't need to protect ourselves. How liberating it would be to shed all of this heavy armour.

"Pick a religion, any religion."

A funny thing happened when I signed my children up for scripture class at school. I received a note from the school asking which religion I preferred. I ticked all the boxes because I want them to learn about all religions, and as a result they were placed in the non-scripture group.
I thought it would be in the interest of peace and religious tolerance for children to learn about all religions--oh well!

The low down on the paintings lower down.

A friend emailed me after she visited my blog and said she found it interesting to read my thoughts as well as see the paintings, so I thought I'd make a little extra effort and write more on what the paintings are about.
The one below called "artist" is somewhat self explanitory. It's a self portrait (omgosh, I'm naked!). The self-protective pose of the figure and the lack of clothing suggests the vulnerability I feel when I create and send my artwork out into the world.
The tip of the paintbrush touches the sun which represents the "divine light", the source of all ceativity.
The bridge symbolizes the connection of the mind(thought) to the hand(expression).
It took a while for me to figure out what the water was about. At the time that I put the water in (initially the figure was buried underground holding up a flower) I was trying to figure out what I believed about Jesus Christ (was he the son of God or just a really good guy?), and I was also struggling with what to do with the foreground after I had put the water in. Suddenly bulrushes popped into my head for the foreground. I looked up bulrushes in my book of symbolism and it said, "Because of it's hardy structure the bulrush is used to symbolize the church as it thrives on the living water of Jesus Christ."
The water in my painting reflects the divine light, as did Jesus Christ, so I guess the water represents him.
The fish and the bird represent two dear friends (and fellow artists) who provided me with a breath of inspiration when I was creatively desolate and artistically lost in a barren and hostile wasteland, called, by equally barren and hostile people, "the real world".

The painting right down the bottom called "terrestrial" had its meaning unfold after it was finished. The three figures represent the different ways people engage with their lives. The large woman in the foreground strides briskly and purposefully, while the suited guy enjoys a frivolous jaunt, and the last figure stands endlessly waiting.
The sun could be rising or setting, both look the same, the only difference being one occurs at the begining and the other at the end of the day. It strikes me that perhaps it is similar with birth and death, that the transitional experiences are the same but one occurs at the beginning of life and the other occurs at the end. So the sunrise/sunset represents birth and death.

"Artist"

I've been working on this painting sporadically for the past year.

Hypocrasy

Bcause of its black flesh under its white plumage the swan is a symbol of the hypocrite. It's song symbolizes a last effort, or a final farewell.

A virtual diary

Most of the landscape paintings were done entirely on site--it's called "Plein air" painting-- with the exception of the "Bowral courthouse" painting, which was drawn on location and painted in the studio. When I paint in the studio I listen to audio books and whilst painting "Bowral courthouse" I was listening to "The diary of Anne Frank"(an exceptional reading by Winona Ryder) , the overall colour composition was done intuitively and I think it mildly reflects the feeling of that book. Also, the cloud in "Menangle Church" was added later.

When I look at my paintings (particularly the landscapes) they are like a "virtual" diary, I remember exactly what was going on inside and outside of me, in surprising detail. Such as; who I was pregnant with, the weather conditions (wind, heat, rain), dodgey stalker-types, friendly passers-by, even particular thoughts that were interfering with my focus at the time. Some of the paintings, particularly the Autumn ones, I had to go back to the place year after year in order to finish; being a mother my outdoor painting hours are quite limited and the leaves would be there one week and gone the next. Not a very practical way to paint but the nuances of colour, paricularly in the shadows, aren't visible in photographs. Also, because time is of the essence, paint application is more lively and spontaneous which overall adds greater energy to the painting.
Plein air painting is like a painter's work out, gruelling but beneficial in so many ways. I've been studio bound for quite a while now, I'm woefully out of shape--I'll post more of the studio paintings soon.

Paintings

The pink house

Bowral courthouse
Menangle church
The garden path
Information centre
Prayer, after El Greco

But wait, there's more!

Picton postoffice



Camden cows
View from Belgenny

Terrestrial